Epic Rap Battles of Mystery
by WhimsicalxWriterxChic15
Summary: What do you get when you add a temperamental milkshake, a talking pig, and a rap battle? Another episode of Aqua Teen Hunger Force, duh!


A/N: What do you get when you add a rapping pig, four socially inept aliens, and talking fast food? ...Wait, you still don't know? A rap battle of epic proportions. Duh! Miss this show. Had to write a minisode :p

Disclaimer: I DON'T OWN THIS AMAZING SHOW!

* * *

At the laboratory of Dr. Weird lightning struck, putting fear into Steve and money into Dr. Weird's pocket, he would save money on the electric bill.

"Is it ready yet Steve?" Dr. Weird called out as he stood in front of the garage style door that hid his latest creation.

"Well sir I-" Steve began.

"IT'S READY!" The doctor shouted and lifted the door. Out stepped a banana yellow pony with a rainbow tail and mane, as well as what looked like Dr. Weird's face on the right side of its rear.

"W-what is it sir?" Steve asked.

"It's beautiful!"Dr. Weird replied. The steed had a reply of its own,of course, as sharp teeth suddenly protruded from its open mouth and ripped off Dr. Weird's arm. The psychotic man simply laughed as his blood sprayed onto a, once again, traumatized and disappointed Steven.

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The soft drink shaped door opened and closed. Without looking over Shake said,"I'm watching T.V. right now, so you can't steal that. However, if you were to go into the rooms of my fellow colleagues you might find some things of interest. Now scram! It's getting to the good part." Just then Frylock came into the living room.

"Shake! Did you leave the door unlocked again?!"

"It's not my fault you keep buying expensive crap! Of course people are going to want to rob us. Now shut up and let the man do his thing so I can get back to my movie in peace."

"Uh guys, I'm not a burglar. It's me." Meatwad said moving from behind the chair into view.

"Oh, heya there kid, did you bring me back that cheeseburger I wanted?" Shake asked.

"But you didn't ask for a cheesebur-" Meatwad began.

"But I wanted one, and you were out of the house. You should know that I don't do the whole cooking thing, because it's exhausting and the waiting and the hunger. If you were out it would be _OBVIOUS_ to get me a cheeseburger but, you know, since I am so kind I will grant you forgiveness this one time." Shake said.

"Uh, o-okay."

"Anyway, Meatwad what _did_ you bring back?" Frylock queried glancing at the piece of paper in Meatwad's hand.

"Oh this? This is the ticket to becoming a superstar!"

"Superstar? Let me see that. " Shake snatched the paper away.

"Well, that's what the pig handing out the flyers said."

"This is amazing! I can finally get the worldwide recognition that I deserve. " Shake stated.

"Hold on, a pig? Let me see the flyer Shake." Frylock took the flyer from him.

"Oh, are we jealous now that there's a chance that I'll be famous and rich? Don't even _think_ about it, I'm not giving you a dime!"

"What about a penny?" Meatwad asked.

"I would consider it, if you buy me a cheeseburger." Shake replied.

"Okay, but I have to go get the money from my pony bank-"

"Meatwad, you're not getting him a cheeseburger. Shake, you're talentless. Now both of you listen. Did you even read this flyer?"

"I might've skimmed it, slightly..." Shake began.

"I just like the decorations. " Meatwad said with a smile. Frylock sighed in expected disappointment.

"I thought so. It says: 'Show off your mad rap skillz at the Bar-B-Q Barn Rap Battle. Winners will receive a $50,000 check*- "

"$50,000?! There are so many ways I can NOT spend that money on rent. " Shake exclaimed.

"Yeah, I can get the complete Action Hero set." Meatwad said happily.

"Guys," Frylock interjected, to no avail.

"And who said I'd be sharing this money?"

"The flyer said winneRS, with an S. So I was thinkin-"

"Well don't do that. It's bad for your health. Anyway there can only be one winner. "

"No, there can be more than one. And neither of you would get the money. " Frylock said.

"Oh really? And how would you know?" Shake challenged.

"Because it says so ON THE FLYER; '*Winners will receive a photocopy of the check. Rappers are required to "donate" $50 to participate. All winnings and proceeds will go to Diggy the Jiggy Piggy.'"

"A pig?!" Shake exclaimed.

"That might've been the guy who was handing out the flyers. " Meatwad stated.

"Guys this doesn't sound like a good idea. Look, the competition is tonight so to take your mind off of things why don't we just order a pizza and finish that movie you were watching?" Frylock suggested.

"Screw the movie, there's a pig that I have beef with." Shake said and headed for the door.

"Don't you mean bacon? Or are you still talking about that cheeseburger?" Meatwad wondered and followed him out of the door.

"Shut up. " Shake said.

"I'm telling you, this is a really bad idea. You don't want to talk to that pig! " Frylock warned. When they arrived in front of the restaurant, two familiar green and yellow figures were standing in a line of reasonable length. Shake approached the two spiky extraterrestrials.

" Hey, dumber and dumbest, what's the line for?"

"Vee ah here to show ofh ow vokul styling skills." Oglethorpe replied.

"And to beat those guys. " Emory added.

"Oglethorpe, Emory? What are you guys doing here?" Frylock asked, finally having caught up with the other two.

"They're here to get crushed, yo!" Err answered.

"Yes, crushed beneath our Mooninite supremacy. " Ignignokt added.

"Vhatevah. Ve vill still beat you. " Oglethorpe retorted weakly.

"You fool, rap is only the beginning. We will demonstrate our superiority in all areas. " Ignignokt threw back.

" Wait a second, are you guys trying to take over the world again? With rap music?" Meatwad asked.

"...no... Maybe-"

"HELL YEAH WE ARE!" Err chimed in.

" Not if we take it over first." Emory challenged.

"Yah." Oglethorpe agreed.

"Bring it on!" Err challenged back.

"Stop! No one is taking over anything." Frylock interceded. "Now where's Shake?"

"He went inside to talk to, uh, the pig guy. Yeah. " a familiar rough voice answered.

"Carl?"

"He-he-heey guys! You here to see me win dis? I've been standing in line for almost an hour now but it will be soooo wort thit when I get my hands on that check." Carl said, pleased with himself.

"The check isn't real Carl."

"Sure it is. Why else would I stand in line for forty-five minutes? I'm waiting' to sign up."

"That pig is taking forever!" Err shouted in frustration.

"Patience Err, it will be our turn soon enough." Ignignokt soothed his companion.

"Yeah, give him a break. It must be hard counting all of that money with just hooves." Meatwad said.

"I'll give him a break all right!" Err continued.

"Yeah, you're right. Come on Meatwad, let's see if he wants any help." Frylock said, bypassing the line and entering the restaurant.

"Yeah, 'cause you know I'm real good at countin'." The two of them made their way to the back of the restaurant where Diggy's office was. When they opened the door, they saw Shake talking with Diggy in front of his desk.

"...I don't want half!- Oh good, you guys are here just in time to help me beat the sausage out of this thing!"

"Shake what are you-"

"Oh heeeeeeeeeeey ya'll!" the pig greeted them.

"Shower cap," Meatwad observed.

"Crazy red and yellow eyes," Frylock continued.

"And a diaper." Meatwad concluded.

"I knew it! MC Pee Pants! What are you concocting this time?" Frylock exclaimed.

"What the hell are you doing as a pig?" Meatwad asked.

"Here we go..." Frylock said rolling his eyes.

"See, that's what I want to know! I wasn't even doing nothin' when all of a sudden Satan's all like, 'Am I afraid of the big bad wolf?' And I'm like, 'Wolf?! I don't see no wolf!' Next thing I knew I was a pig, living on this farm in Wisconsin. That's when-"

"Wisconsin?!" Meatwad exclaimed.

"Yeah Wisconsin, the mushroom state-"

"You mean cheese state." Frylock corrected.

"Man, if I ordered some_ cheesecake_ I would've asked you for it! Now where were we?"

"How did you get here from _Wisconsin_...as a pig?"

"That's not where we was! That's where _I_ was. Where were _WE?"_

_"_What were you doing in Wisconsin?" Meatwad interceded.

"See, I was in Wisconsin, right?,"

"Oh my gosh.." Frylock sighed.

"And this farmer, I didn't really know his name so he was The Farmer, came out to the barn. I'm rollin' in the mud when he wants to come and take me _out_ of the mud.-"

"What were you doing in the mud?"

"What the cluckin', peanut, sh-; What did you think I was doing?! I'm a pig! It's what I do! I like mud!"

"Alright, alright. Well I was just-"

"You wasn't just nothin'. Like I was sayin', I told The Farmer 'That don't Fly!' and he apparently can speak pig because he could hear me."

"What happened to him?" Meatwad asked.

"HE DIED! He couldn't take the shock of a talkin' pig. So I go in his house and find this movie about a farm."

"Was it that Barney tape where he talks about animals?"

"Heeell no, it wasn't no Barney. Would a frickin' dinosaur be on a farm? I don't think so!" MC Peepants paused for a while. Suddenly Frylock cleared his throat.

"What?"

"Uhh, you were-"

"I know what I was doin'. This pig ends up takin' over the WHOLE farm and making money. So I thought 'I'm a pig,'"

"You are a pig."

"I wasn't finished! I'm a pig. The Farmer's dead and the other animals can't talk. I sell _them_ and get money. You see it yet? You see it?"

"Ummm"

"It's obvious, he want's to go into the farming business." Meatwad explained.

"So you...want to be a farm..er? Why the restaurant? Can't you just get a field or something and some corn, maybe-"Frylock began.

"Naw, naw,naw, naw. I'm talkin' livestock:beef, pork, chicken, lamb. _That's_ where my money is." MC Peepants told him.

"But if that's where the money is, what's the point of this competition?" Meatwad asked.

"I can't just go gettin' animals from people's houses like cats and dogs and chinchillas! BUT, after I get this machine from my boy Krazy Skee-"

"Was he the one who dropped that hit 'Skeeing the Slopes'?"

"Yep! That's the one. It was tight right?"

"Fo Shizzle!"

Frylock rolled his eyes. "Guys...there was a machine-"

"So my boy Krazy is going to get this machine,right, and it can turn any animal into a different animal. But he said he needs 20 G's for the down payment. So I tell him, 'Look, I can get the money after this rap battle and we can buy it TAH-DAY!'. _Then_ I go up in people's houses and take their chinchillas and goldfish, and hamsters."

"But if they're already animals, why do you need to get a machine?"

"Man, cows don't grow on trees man! You know how hard it is to grow a cow?! Huh?!"

"Y-you mean breeding?"

"Yeah that! That crap takes foevah! You have to wait for the babies to have their babies..."

"Well...I do see your point. So you want to start a restaurant chain?"

"Yeah"

"To get rich?"

"Hell yeah!"

"To?"

"So I can put in my order!"

"Order?" Meatwad said.

"As long as we're taking orders, I'll have some spare ribs with a side of nachos, cheesecake, and a Large diet Fizz."Shake cut in.

"I don't think he has diet Fizz here." Frylock said.

"How could he not have diet Fizz here?" Shake retorted.

"I don't have diet Fizz here." Peepants Replied.

"Shake, I see something in your hand." Meatwad said.

"No you don't." Shake answered nervously, "Um, uhh weren't you guys ordering something?"

"It looks like money" Frylock said, his eyes narrowing.

"What did you order?" Meatwad prompted the MC.

"Yeah, I want to put my bid in so I can get the Playstation 4 Platinum and the Xbox 720. Fresh out of the factory, baby!" Frylock does a facefry* while Shake finally comes from behind the desk where he's been this whole time "helping" to count the "proceed" money.

"I heard about that! Doesn't that cost 100 grand or something?" Shake chimed in.

"Yeah it does! So I _got_ to make this restaurant money."

"You're doing this...for an Xbox?" Frylock asked, deadpan.

"Hey! He said Playstation too! Sony has very good products as well, thank you very much." Shake corrected an turned to Peepants,"If you cut me in on 40% I can help you get that machine."

"Can I get 30%?" Meatwad prodded.

"You can get three." MC Peepants said.

"Okay."

"Do you guys hear something?" Frylock questioned. Suddenly a loud ruckus akin to the shouts of an angry mob became extremely audible.

"I thought that was that fly over there in the corner of the window, just buzzin'" replied Meatwad.

"You heard it the whole time?!"

"Alright guys, I can handle this. But I'm going to need that 40%" Shake said stepping forward.

"Can you really get me my money?" Peepants asked.

"Just watch me." He then proceeded to go outside and instruct the line that now trailed down the street to simply come in drop their money,all of it, into the two large bags he had placed at the entrance then fill out a name tag. After that everyone, that could, squeezed into the small establishment and waited their turn. Meanwhile The Force and Peepants were in his office wondering what to do next.

"Okay, I believe you. You can have 30% drink-man. What's the plan next?" Peepants said.

"I _said_ 40." protested Shake

"And_ I_ said what are we doing next?" MC Peepants demanded giving shake the crazy eye. Shake cleared his throat.

"Uh, right. Well, the last of the money has to be won from the competition so I'll be your manager. First things first, let's talk about your brand.."

"And I'll be the songwriter. You gon' love what I have. I wrote ever since "_I Want Candy"_. I made a remix of that by the way and..." Meatwad rambled on enthusiastically.

"Oh really? Let me see little man." Peepants said walking over to Meatwad who apparently brought his raps with him for the competition. Frylock looked at the three of them and sighed as he retired to the chair behind Peepants' desk.

"This is going to be a long night."


End file.
